in midnight rambling

the pants story /2/ (and I think to myself) what a wonderful product

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here is the audio version of this part

[http://bkc.mikovice.com/pants_2.mp3]

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one … let me out or kill me now

here’s what happened: one afternoon I found myself facing a short vietnamese lady at the town market. my strategy was simple: get this over with quickly no matter what the result. tell her what she wants to hear, pay whatever she tells you to pay and get the hell out. so I pointed to a hanger full of jeans and said something to the effect ofI don’t suppose you happen to have my size?“ hoping she’d say „oh, I’m so sorry sir, but vietnam has just run out of clothing items your size.“

face sb … stát před někým (tváří v tvář)
get it over with … dosáhnout toho abyste něco už měli za sebou
no matter what the result … ať už budou výsledky jakékoli
something to the effect of … něco ve smyslu…
I happen to have … náhodou mám, shodou okolností mám
we have run of of st … došly nám (už nemáme)
clothing items … oblečení, části oděvu

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two … the vietnam thing

boy, was I ignorant about vietnam. the woman did the whole vietnam thing where the vendor doesn’t respond to your request, doesn’t so much as nod or otherwise acknowledge your existence but simply turns and walks a few feet and then grabs an item and places it in front of you. the pants looked roughly my size and that was as far as I was going to inquire. I slipped her whatever amount she asked me to pay and got the hell out of there. this part went pretty much according to plan.

boy, … … no teda, … (zvolání)
vendor … stánkový prodavač
not so much as … (neudělat) ani (něco)
nod … přikývnout
acknowledge … uznat, připustit
grab … popadnout
roughly … přibližně, zhruba
inquire … dotazovat se
slip … podstrčit, dát, vsunout
amount … částka
pretty much … v podstatě, víceméně
according to plan … podle plánu

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three … my beautiful wife

when I got home and unfolded the jeans in front of my wife, she looked at them, then looked at me, then back at the pants, a little too suspiciously, I thought. „are you sure they’re your size?“ „yeah, I’m pretty sure.“ „did you try them on?“ „uh, no, not as such…“ „what do you mean, not as such? put them on. now.“ I did as I was told and knew immediately that something was wrong. I looked down and noticed that the crotch was kind of low. in fact, it was right next to my knees. this may sound funny and at first I felt an urge to giggle but the look on my wife’s face said „if you smile now, it will be a long time before you smile again.“ I soon discovered that the position of the crotch made it extremely hard for whoever was wearing the jeans to walk. and I’d been planning to do quite a lot of walking in my new jeans.

unfold … rozbalit, rozložit
suspiciously … podezíravě
crotch … rozkrok
urge … nutkání
giggle … chichotat se, hihňat se

to be continued, incredibly